1. The Goal Isn’t to Eliminate Anxiety, but to Help a Child Manage It. – We don’t want to see our child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to remove all stressors that may trigger it. The idea is to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as best as they can; even when they’re feeling anxious. By allowing your child to learn to tolerate the anxiety, it will naturally lessen over time.
2. Don’t Avoid Activities or Things that Make a Child Anxious – If we avoid all situations that make them anxious, it may feel better in the short term, but it may end up reinforcing the anxiety in the long run. Often, a child will cry or get angry when they are in an uncomfortable situation. If we remove them from a situation, or the thing they’re afraid of, the child has learned a coping mechanism.
3. Express Positive, but Realistic Expectations – You can’t promise that all their fears are unrealistic – that they’ll have fun at the birthday party, that they won’t feel anxious or stumble on their words during an oral presentation, or they may not be the best baseball player out of their friends. But, they’re going to be ok and they’ll be able to manage these fears over time.They then know that your expectations of them are realistic and you’ll only ask things of them that they can handle.
4. Respect their Feelings, but don’t Empower Them – If a child doesn’t want to go to the Dr because they know they’re getting a shot, you’ll want to listen and be empathetic & help them understand what they’re anxious about. Use encouraging words, “I know you’re scared, that’s ok, but I’m here and I’m going to help you get through this.
5. Don’t Ask Leading Questions – Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, but try not to ask leading questions – “Are you anxious about the big test”? Vs. “How are you feeling about the test?”
6. Don’t Reinforce the Child’s Fears – Don’t let your tone of voice or body language convey that you are worried, or afraid for them. Try to be positive and send the message of confidence.
7. Encourage the Child to Tolerate their Anxiety – Encourage them to participate and let their anxiety take its natural course. The stressors and fears will minimize over time after repeated exposure.
8. Try to Keep the Anticipatory Period Short – The time right before a stressful event is when your child might be most anxious. Try to keep the discussion and anticipation to a minimum
9. Think Things through With Your Child – It can be helpful to have a discussion of what would happen if a child’s fear came true. How would they handle it? Help them think about healthy ways they can manage the situation.
10. Try to Model Healthy Ways of Handling Anxiety – Kids will notice how you cope with anxiety. Try to be realistic about it & let them see you handling stressful things and tolerating it. You can always discuss things that make you feel anxious and how you’ve handled them in the past. Try to normalize it.
Please reach out if you have any questions about anxiety and how to manage it in your home. Often, when our children are experiencing significant anxiety, this can bring up feelings for us – frustration, anger, sadness. Sometimes, we have blind spots around how we are connecting with our children in this area. Parent Coaching can assist with you seeing your interactions more clearly and helping you connect to achieve the greatest results with your child.
