I recently read a quote from the British graffiti artist Banksy that says…
“A lot of mothers will do anything for their children, except let them be themselves”.
It made me wonder what is this fine line between guiding our children in their younger years, but still allowing them to blossom into who they are and what they’re meant to be? As a parent, this is a balancing act.
How much were we all encouraged to be our own person, not an extension of our parents? How can we parent our kids allowing for the creation of their own identity?
As parents, sometimes we want our children to be just like us. We all share our beliefs & values with our kids, but it’s also important to teach them to be INDIVIDUALS.
Sometimes, we see our children through our own lens, our own desires, wishes and fears for them. We often become blind to our children’s personality & interests. Maybe we’ve labeled them, “He’s shy”, “She’s the baby”, “They’re not great at sports”. This can prevent us from seeing them for their “true selves“.
Do we try to help our kids by guiding them with the wisdom of our mistakes? Say things like, “Try this, it’s always worked for me”. Or,” Trust me, I’ve been there before, I can tell you what happened to me”.
Are we being helpful, or not recognizing that they are different from us and have to find their own way? How do we become conscious of letting them emerge for who they are?
Some ways to promote your child’s self identity are:
- Challenge them – challenge your child to find what they enjoy. Encourage them to explore new things. Once you find out where their interests lie, give them opportunities to practice them.
- Earning & Learning – praise their work & efforts, not just open praise. Teaching your child a sense of accomplishment through hard work is a key to future success.
- Reinforce their Interests – allow them to express themselves through their interests
- Teach them to be Assertive – make sure your child knows how to stand up for themselves. Your involvement and support of their interests helps them build a sense of self and strength that can be called upon in tough times. Being their own person is a good thing.
- Don’t Protect too Much – Don’t go overboard with protecting your kids; success is usually found after hard work & often failure. Let them learn to use failure to achieve their successes.
- Maintain a Connected Relationship – connection keeps the lines of communication open. This is especially important as your child grows into adolescence. It allows your child to feel supported, safe and important.
There are many ways to build a child’s sense of individuality. Teaching them to respect themselves and their interests while building healthy character traits will help them with a stronger sense of self & will go a long way when things get tough.
It’s never too late to reinforce your CHILD’S INDIVIDUALITY and strengthen their SENSE OF SELF. It may just require adapting to their changing needs as they grow & mature.
Let me know some ways you are reinforcing your child’s identity? Are you struggling with this in your home?
