The compatibility of a person’s temperament with his environment is referred to as “goodness of fit.”
Some temperaments and environments seem to naturally fit together, while others do not.
There are Two Types of “Goodness of Fit:”
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How that temperament (or a child’s inherent traits) acts with the environment
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How the temperament interacts with the people in that environment
Any given trait in and of itself is not a problem, it’s the interaction that determines the “acceptability” of that trait.
When there is a match between the demands and expectations of the environment and the child’s temperament and abilities, that is a good fit. This makes success and high self-esteem more likely. When there is not a good fit, there is a greater risk for difficulties for the child.
Fit with Environment
A loud and high energy environment might be a good fit for some good kids and distressful for others.
Some kids can persist with an activity for a long time and others are easily distracted. Some respond very intensely and others respond very mildly to the same stimulus.
A very active child who lives in a small apartment may have greater difficulty getting out all of his energy than a similar child who lives in a house with a backyard to run around. This can make things harder for the child and the parent. Similarly, a very active child in a very traditional and more restrictive school setting might run into trouble abiding by the rules of conduct.
Fit with People
Goodness of fit also describes how well the child’s temperament “fits” with the people in his environment and how likable the people in the environment consider the child to be.
Remember that all adults have their own unique temperaments that can sometimes be very different from the child’s. This is true of parents, teachers, caregivers, etc. Sometimes this clash in temperaments can be the reason why a parent or another adult may be struggling with a child.
It may be harder to understand a child with a very different temperament from you.
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you may have less patience to deal with a temperament you don’t understand
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Some parents find it difficult to accept traits that they recognize in themselves that they do not like or that have caused them trouble in their own lives.
An “active parent” might have a child that doesn’t enjoy being physical. This can create conflict because it might feel to this parent that they are begging their child to just go outside. Or, take a bike ride..
A “social parent” who loves to be out and be with other people, has a shy child that is slow to warm up, might get frustrated with their child that they are not more outgoing or friendly.
How Can Understanding the Goodness of Fit help you?
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Maybe you need to make more changes to their environment. This could mean a different type of school, different after school activities
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Approach a situation with more empathy.
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Help your child understand and manage their reactions to certain things.
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Have more realistic expectations about your children. Try to have more acceptance around the fact that you have a child that is more challenging temperamentally and it’s nothing you did to cause this. They are their unique selves. You did not cause this.
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Situations that are a “better fit” for them will help them feel more successful. You can provide opportunities for very active children to join sports teams and for less active ones to find clubs that require less activity and movement, like a chess club or a computer club.
When it comes to assigning chores, you can try to match chores with what fits for your children.
What are the Benefits of Creating a “Goodness of Fit?”
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You can avoid some of the recurring battles that take place within your home.
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You build a more trusting, respectful relationship with your children.
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Your children’s self-esteem is raised
How Do You Create a Better “Goodness of Fit?”
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Know your children’s temperament.
Think about the way they normally react in a given situation. -
Know your temperament.
Understand how you typically respond to situations and to your children. -
Assess how well situations and environments fit your child’s temperament.
A highly active child might like to go to the park more often than a less active child. Ie. Let them get out their energy before bringing them to the supermarket with you. -
Identify how your temperaments fit and don’t fit together.
Do you tend to react mildly to things while your child has intense reactions? Are you both highly sensitive to sounds and tastes? Do you adapt quickly while your child has a tough time adapting to new routines? -
Consider how your reactions to your children affect their behavior.
What is your response when your children’s temperament clashes with your expectations? Take notice of how your reactions may impact what happens with your child. -
Work to respond more sensitively and effectively to your children.
Be aware of the language you use and learn to reframe behaviors as not all negative, but situations in which your child can learn.
Anticipate your child’s needs and reactions.
Work together to plan for successful outcomes.
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Ie. Your child doesn’t transition to new situations well, prepare him in advance by being as specific and detailed as you can about what he can expect.
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Help your children learn ways they can help themselves “fit” better in all environments.
Teach your children about their temperament and about goodness of fit. Teach them what they can do to manage both. -
Take into account your child’s temperament.
Help your child feel comfortable in a particular setting to create a better outcome. Ie. If a child typically gets stressed in crowded places, make your store visits during slower hours if possible. -
Be respectful of your child’s temperament. Understand that they may be shy and don’t want to talk to strangers. Give them time to feel comfortable. Do not force a child who has difficulty talking to strangers to talk to relatives they haven’t seen in a while. Give them time to feel comfortable – this is being respectful of the child’s temperament and can avoid a meltdown or the child feeling badly about himself.
Learning more about your child’s temperament and your own, will go a long way in helping your child manage and adapt to their environment, within your household and with people and environments in which they interact.
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